Here we go again, bisexuals!

I really don’t think I’ll ever stop talking about this specific topic. Trust me, I wish I could! And when I see excellent articles from After Ellen talking about how Amber Heard is STILL a bisexual even though she is married to a man now, I applaud! Because yay! There’s a website that a TON of lesbians read and they are totally backing bisexuals! And then you look at the comments. And what do you say about the internet? NEVER READ THE COMMENTS. But I did. I was happy to see  a lot of people gung ho in support, but there were still lesbians complaining about bisexuals going with “heterosexual privilege” and marrying a man. Do I think a man and woman can be together and have a lot less worries about “oh can we hold hands here?” Of course! However, I would argue that is a completely separate issue, and has NOTHING to do with the process of falling in love.

That’s just not how love and attraction works. At all. You know how there was that video going around a while ago with people asking straight people “when did you decide you were straight?” Like it was a choice. Remember how ridiculous that sounded? Cause of course being gay and being straight isn’t a choice. But people that complain about ‘fake bisexuals’ are acting like it’s an ok thing to do to THIS population and it makes no sense. Do they think bisexuals go into a relationship store and say “well geez I don’t know the man base model comes with so many nice features, and you have to pay a higher premium for the same perks with a lesbian. Y’know I think I’ll go with the man, can I get one in black?”

It sounds ridiculous, cause it IS ridiculous. It suggests that there are all these bisexuals with checklists out there trying to figure out how to get the most out of their chosen spouse. As opposed to the reality of person X meeting person Y and thinking they are awesome so they decide to get married.

However, I do have a theory. You know when kids are very wee and they think they can hide from you if they stick their head under the bed, but their ass is sticking out? You have to count to ten and pretend like it’s really hard to find them, cause it’s adorable. Well, all kids do that because you don’t develop the ability to recognize other people’s perspective until you’re older. Until then, you think “I can’t see you so you can’t see me.” I think the problem with so much of the prejudice out there stems from this psychological default. That no matter how much we learn about the world, our experiences are always filtered through the idea of “well if I haven’t experienced it, then it doesn’t exist.” Therefore, “If I have never been attracted to men, I don’t understand how bisexuals can and therefore it’s not real.” And there you go, your ass is sticking up in the air. And it’s just not cute when you’re an adult.

It doesn’t matter in the slightest who anyone is sleeping with. That’s what we say to straight people when they want to know about our sex lives, right? So why do we think we’re allowed to judge someone else for who they’re sleeping with? We’re not. No one is. Just because you’re curious doesn’t mean it’s any of your damn business. A bisexual dating a man is the same person now as she was when they were sleeping with women. So let’s not be like parents with conditional love, kicking them out of the family for not being the kind of gay that we are.

I know, I’m on this soapbox again. Trust me, I would love to leave this soapbox behind, but until this isn’t a problem anymore, consider this soapbox glued to my feet.


Here we go again, bisexuals!

12 thoughts on “Here we go again, bisexuals!

  1. Adan Ramie says:

    “And there you go, your ass is sticking up into the air,” really got me. Thanks for the chuckle this morning!

    That being said, I agree with you on most of your points. While I still stand that “fake bisexuals” are a blight on society and drag the real LGBTQ spectrum further down the totem pole, I sympathize with real bisexuals who just happen to fall in love and marry on the “straight side.”

    Besides, who DOESN’T look for the best relationship they can before they settle down? Who says, “Well, Y is perfect, but X makes the other gays happier, so I’m going with X even though it’s not a perfect fit”?

    1. Please do explain how one determines which bisexuals are “fake.” Because that can be used in a really judgmental way (so the term is really touchy). Are you referring to girls that make out with other girls only to turn men on?

      1. Adan Ramie says:

        I definitely agree that it can be used in a judgmental way, and that’s not how I mean it. I do mean the girls who make out with other girls to turn men on. These are the same girls who, if pressed, will tell you just how “gross” vaginas are, but how it’s “not weird” to swap saliva at a bar for a bunch of guys to get a thrill.

        Maybe I’m still feeling the bitterness of being led on by a couple of these girls in the past, so YMMV.

      2. I get what you mean, that can be frustrating Adan. And it can be hard to see through that when you have negative experiences. The trick is to take those out of the equation all-together. It can be extremely difficult to see something like that and not judge it, but I think it works to our benefit to let those things go. It’s impossible to know someone else’s intentions. That girl in the bar could be just trying to turn on her boyfriend. It could also be a veiled attempt at trying to determine her own self-worth and sexual identity. We can’t know that one way or another, so it’s best to let people figure that out on their own without putting our expectations onto them, I think.

  2. Michelle says:

    I don’t get it. Why should we care about who someone else loves. I personally don’t care who marries who. I am strong believer in just mind your own business.

  3. Karen says:

    Yeah the term “fake” appended to anything sounds a bit judgey to me. I think that anyone who claims the label bisexual is a real bisexual. I think that anyone who hates labels and doesn’t want them is a real label hater. And I am ok with bisexuals and unlabeled people. I don’t want anyone sticking their nose in my life and calling it real this or fake that and I don’t want to make anyone feel less than their true authentic selves, however they do or don’t define that.

    1. I think that’s the thing. The only labels I believe AT ALL are labels that people put on themselves. It’s when we presume to label someone else based on our prejudices and adherence to stereotypes that the waters get muddied.

  4. As a bisexual, I consistently hear judgment from both the straight community and the lesbian community. I have a lot of friends in the lesbian community, and I’m sad to say that they are sometimes the most hurtful. Don’t get me wrong, the majority of them are supportive and accepting. But there are those that I refer to as “militant lesbians”. There are people who are stuck in the binary mindset. Either you are male or female. Either you love men or women. Either you are feminine or masculine. And anything that detracts from that is not authentic. I tend to see things more fluid. You are who you are, you love who you love, and I think that is what makes each of us unique and special. It is hypocritical for someone to demand acceptance, respect, and equality whilst denying others those very things. In the end, this type of thinking does nothing to help the fight for equality. In fact, it prevents the very desires of the LGBT community. If we don’t love and accept each other, how the hell can we expect anyone else to love and accept us? Anyway, thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.

    1. Amen to that, Jay! I really do think it’s the binary way of seeing the world that prevents any true growth in our community. Seeing the world and humanity that way is a false dichotomy perpetuated by our self-imposed stereotypes. Gender and sexual preference is WAY too complicated to try and fit into one of two boxes. As most things in the world are! The refusal to recognize that is a detriment to us all.

  5. Bravo, Nikki! I, for one, have never understood this argument. Isn’t the LGBT motto “Love is love”? Between two consenting adults I don’t understand how this can be wrong. People need to let others live their own and lives and do what makes them happy. Fly your freak flags, bisexuals! Be proud. As a lesbian, I support you 100%.

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