I really don’t think I’ll ever stop talking about this specific topic. Trust me, I wish I could! And when I see excellent articles from After Ellen talking about how Amber Heard is STILL a bisexual even though she is married to a man now, I applaud! Because yay! There’s a website that a TON of lesbians read and they are totally backing bisexuals! And then you look at the comments. And what do you say about the internet? NEVER READ THE COMMENTS. But I did. I was happy to see a lot of people gung ho in support, but there were still lesbians complaining about bisexuals going with “heterosexual privilege” and marrying a man. Do I think a man and woman can be together and have a lot less worries about “oh can we hold hands here?” Of course! However, I would argue that is a completely separate issue, and has NOTHING to do with the process of falling in love.
That’s just not how love and attraction works. At all. You know how there was that video going around a while ago with people asking straight people “when did you decide you were straight?” Like it was a choice. Remember how ridiculous that sounded? Cause of course being gay and being straight isn’t a choice. But people that complain about ‘fake bisexuals’ are acting like it’s an ok thing to do to THIS population and it makes no sense. Do they think bisexuals go into a relationship store and say “well geez I don’t know the man base model comes with so many nice features, and you have to pay a higher premium for the same perks with a lesbian. Y’know I think I’ll go with the man, can I get one in black?”
It sounds ridiculous, cause it IS ridiculous. It suggests that there are all these bisexuals with checklists out there trying to figure out how to get the most out of their chosen spouse. As opposed to the reality of person X meeting person Y and thinking they are awesome so they decide to get married.
However, I do have a theory. You know when kids are very wee and they think they can hide from you if they stick their head under the bed, but their ass is sticking out? You have to count to ten and pretend like it’s really hard to find them, cause it’s adorable. Well, all kids do that because you don’t develop the ability to recognize other people’s perspective until you’re older. Until then, you think “I can’t see you so you can’t see me.” I think the problem with so much of the prejudice out there stems from this psychological default. That no matter how much we learn about the world, our experiences are always filtered through the idea of “well if I haven’t experienced it, then it doesn’t exist.” Therefore, “If I have never been attracted to men, I don’t understand how bisexuals can and therefore it’s not real.” And there you go, your ass is sticking up in the air. And it’s just not cute when you’re an adult.
It doesn’t matter in the slightest who anyone is sleeping with. That’s what we say to straight people when they want to know about our sex lives, right? So why do we think we’re allowed to judge someone else for who they’re sleeping with? We’re not. No one is. Just because you’re curious doesn’t mean it’s any of your damn business. A bisexual dating a man is the same person now as she was when they were sleeping with women. So let’s not be like parents with conditional love, kicking them out of the family for not being the kind of gay that we are.
I know, I’m on this soapbox again. Trust me, I would love to leave this soapbox behind, but until this isn’t a problem anymore, consider this soapbox glued to my feet.