Uncomfortable Comparisons

I tend to talk to my friends a lot about sexuality and peoples’ perceptions that circulate around that topic. You can probably guess that from some of my previous blog posts. But I am also super into self-awareness and how that relates to similarities that are often overlooked for whatever reason. One thing that seems to unify straights and gays together is their distrust of bisexuals. I’ve touched on this in the past, so allow me to expand on it a wee bit. Just hear me out.

When you talk to lesbians (#notalllesbians, I know) about bisexuals, a lot of them will say “I don’t trust them, she’ll just end up with a man.” So really, they only like lesbians. Now ask straight guys the same question. A lot of them (#notallstraights, I GET IT) will answer similarly, suggesting the only “bisexuals” they like are drunk girls at college kissing girls to turn a man on. So basically, they only like straight woman that kissed another woman. You can read more about my thoughts on bisexuals and experimenters here.

Now onto a slightly different (but I promise is eventually related) topic. There’s a lot of discussion on the internets about guys feeling like they are owed sex from women. These are the guys that keep using the term “friendzoned.” They like women who don’t like them back romantically and begin to feel resentment towards women that don’t. Now, let’s talk about lesbians that fall for their straight friends, or bisexuals, or other lesbians even (are you still with me?) These women want their friend to begin liking them romantically. They are there for them. They listen to them. They will do anything for them. And they may begin to resent their friends for not giving them what they feel they will eventually get if they stick around long enough. Now, how is that not the same thing? If you hear a lesbian talk about a woman that she never had a happily-ever-after with, and you hear her say negative things about that person for not returning her advances, how is that not exactly the same thing? I argue that it is. And resenting someone for not returning your feelings (whether you are a man or a woman) is unilaterally unacceptable. You can see my blog post all about the mentality of entitlement here.

It seems to me that the men and women that I have described parallel each other really closely, but would likely never admit it. Now, let’s move onto sexism (because I haven’t pissed off enough people yet). I have friends across the country that represent quite the spectrum of sexuality, looks, and experiences. I have also heard stories (and witnessed some instances) of lesbians slapping other women on the ass (without their permission) and have heard statements that boil down to “women in skirts can’t be taken seriously.” I have heard things like that from lesbians about other women. That a woman in a skirt is somehow lesser than a woman that wears a suit. That she is there to be pretty, basically. Now the vast majority of lesbians really aren’t like that. But I believe there are an uncomfortable number of women who are. If you saw a man slap a woman on the ass or say the things I am talking about, we would jump up enraged that he would dare be so sexist. But when a lesbian does it it’s ok because a woman can’t be sexist? I call bullshit on that. Sexism is sexism, and if you think guys are assholes for doing something but you then turn around and do the same thing, you’ve got problems.


Uncomfortable Comparisons

4 thoughts on “Uncomfortable Comparisons

  1. I totally agree to that. The most sexist speech I’ve ever heard was coming from a woman (at the time she was transitioning to become a man, but still). It’s not that just because a woman says it cannot be sexist :/

  2. benigee59 says:

    Well said! I often visit some of the Lesbian groups on FACEBOOK, not related to lesfic, and am shocked by some of the blatant sexist comments that are made by some women to others!

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