T-minus 12 days until the election, and I simply can not wait to stop seeing the commercials. I knew who I was voting for a year ago, and the only thing campaign season does for me is to make me that much more likely to despise humanity.
“Casinos will turn our children into crackhead whores!”
“Liberals will eat your babies for science!”
“Conservatives will eat Big Bird!”
“The gays are gay! Gay, I tell you!”
It all just sounds like this:
Although I must say, I get some sick, twisted enjoyment from reading Facebook fights. People that put on their righteous pants and troll statuses for remotely opinionated comments are hilarious. I will miss those. Campaign season is the time for inarticulate insults and talking-head regurgitation!
Douche 1: “I know for a fact that if this person gets elected, the polar ice caps will melt in 2 years”
Douche 2: “You, sir, are a human cesspool! It is obvious to anyone with a pulse that he will single-handedly cure cancer while carrying orphans to safety in the Sudan.”
Douche 1: “You’re fat and stoopid.”
Oh I will miss the shit out of you, Douches. But it’ll be ok. Someone will say “It’s Friday!” or talk about their kids one too many times and it’ll all start again. Or I could just visit Youtube and drown in the overblown hostility in the comments sections. But it just won’t be the same…
When I get really sad, and I’m sure I will, I’ll just revisit the good people of Rock Ridge and pretend that Harriet Johnson got a Facebook account.