Chocolate Tolerance and Muffin Tops

I’ve decided to stop being so fat. Well, I’ve been tired of being so fat for a few years now, but I think I’ve actually started to do something about it that might stick. I’m trying to exercise more, and keeping track of every single thing that I consume on a daily basis. Which really makes me rethink picking up a candy bar. Knowing I’ll have to open Lose It and type it in, letting everyone that lives in the interwebs know that I ate a candy bar. That doesn’t mean it stopped me from eating a dark chocolate kit kat last night. Stop judging me! I’m lactose intolerant, so I absolutely had to celebrate the fact that milkless chocolate candy bars exist after I went rock climbing last night. It’s Nikki-tolerant chocolate!

Which reminds me. Ever since I realized I was lactose intolerant, when you say “I tolerate gay people,” I can’t help but see you sneering uncomfortably, while trying to hold in a shart. Kind of like this baby:


Which makes me feel better about being tolerated.

Sorry, I get distracted. So, yeah, I’m going to attempt to not fail at losing weight and intend to be less fatter eventually. On the downside, I could potentially have to buy new clothes, which I despise. But my thighs will be smaller, so i guess that’s ok.

I’ve never been one of those ‘in-shape lesbians.’ I don’t necessarily want to be one of those, always active, looking for ways to show off my ‘killer bod’. I just want things to be less squishy. I like some squishy. And, honestly, even at my version of peak physical form, I was never skinny. My body is not built to be skinny. But the thought of not having muffin tops sounds fan-damn-tastic! Sign me up! Muffin tops are for bitches!

Well not these muffin tops. These are delicious

Chocolate Tolerance and Muffin Tops

16 thoughts on “Chocolate Tolerance and Muffin Tops

  1. I love tolerating you! And I very rarely have any sharting problems.

    I join you in your quest to be less squishy. Even when I was in the Marines, I was never skinny. I had killer abs and arms but my lower body has never been nice. Besides my ass. That was nice.

    15 years of not exercising regularly and drinking too much beer and eating too many yummy, yummy snacks and comfort foods has left my 44 year old bod sort of ticked at me.

    Well, fuck you muffin top! Jillian Michaels – that harsh bitch – and I are going to run you out of town. Or maybe just away from hanging over my waistband.

    So, I join you in logging, blogging, and sweating to non-obesity!

    1. Yeah fuck obesity! I want my wii avatar to not have a big-ass lump of fat around my middle. Thanks for that, Nintendo. No really. And that “oh” sound that you make every time I step on the balance board is NOT NECESSARY

      1. OH! That reminds me that I should start doing some Wii Fit! I could do that on Tuesdays and Thursdays since Jillian makes it so my arms and legs don’t function on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

  2. And that bastard Wii balance board with it’s surprised “holy shit you weigh a lot!” sound. Makes me want to stomp it. Like it expected me to have lost a load of weight since the last time I got on. Asshole.

    Damn them!

    I quit doing the Biggest Loser Challenge once I figured out that short, fat chick with no rhythm on the side of the screen was me. How freaking rude!

    1. Wii: “oh I see you’re still obese.”
      Wii: “gosh, it seems it’s been quite a while since you did anything the least bit constructive
      Wii: “Boy you sure do seem shakey. You should try harder and suck less at fake Wii yoga”
      Nikki: #*%& **&@* #&Y@^!&

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