I’m surrounded by assholes

Sometimes I just have one of those days. Where absolutely everything breaks, spreadsheets refuse to open, network goes down, and idiots find me…every…five…minutes.

Today is one of those for me. Where every little thing culminates into an amalgam of fuckitude that can not be fixed by a lunch trip to the yarn store for carbon fiber needles. Yes. Carbon fiber (swooooooon).

My most irritating problem today would be a human whose troubleshooting capabilities seem to lack any sound logic or reason, and you could probably keep them occupied for hours by just putting a large paper bag over their head. Give that person a fancy machine that has buttons and settings and boy oh boy!

Honestly I’m shocked this human can figure out how to put pants on in the morning without assistance. I picture this human walking around the apartment building, going from door-to-door holding a pair of pants. Human knocks on first neighbor’s door, and this is what I imagine would happen.

Human: “Excuse me, but my pants just would not go on.”

Neighbor: “I don’t understand, you’re holding them right now.”

Human: “Exactly. I am holding them, and I want them on, but I can not get them on.”

Neighbor: “I don’t get it, what’s stopping you from putting your pants on?”

Human: “Well, I reach over with the pants in my hand, see, but when I come back up they are not on.”

Neighbor: “Did you try putting your foot into the pant leg before coming back up?”

Human: “No, I just assumed they would already be attached to my leg.”

Neighbor: “Holy shit.”

That is the best way I can describe what it is like working with this human.

3 thoughts on “I’m surrounded by assholes

  1. laycegardner says:

    omg! I’m having the same kind of day! Fuck everybody, I say, just fuck ‘em! lol Gonna go crochet now.

  2. CAB says:

    OMG – I no a similar human being – maybe they are related but for this individual I have always wondered how they managed to breath. I know it’s suppossed to be a natural reflex but they make a bag of rocks seem bright. I am fairly certain that co-workers walk by and scream “breath” otherwise this person would forget and die.

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